I am so tired. I don’t know if it’s tired of pandemic “stay at home” orders, or tired because of allergies, or tired because of depression or just tired. When I was in the depths of depression when Catherine was little I sometimes didn’t feel like I had the energy to cut up an apple.
Today I slept on the couch for probably two hours after lunch. When I awoke, one of the first things I read in my email was that the couple who clean St. Chad’s had been diagnosed with COVID-19. Rich was concerned that I’d be concerned about my own safety (I was at St. Chad’s last Friday for the Zoom with the youth kids). I wasn’t concerned because I had only sat on the floor in the Come to the Cross room and then sat on the bench by the front door to talk to Mark. But then I thought, “I did touch door handles. What else did I touch that I didn’t realize? Should I be concerned?”
While getting dinner ready, I coughed or sneezed as I opened the flatware drawer. I do so into the crook of my arm, but did I cover enough? What if I have COVID-19 but just don’t know it yet? What if tiny droplets of virus were now all over our flatware? I grabbed a plastic tub and washed everything in the drawer and wiped down the drawer with an antibacterial wipe. I realize after a good night’s sleep that I can’t proceed that way. If I’m sick, I should probably go around the house with a face covering for the next two to three weeks. Or why not all the time? Why not sanitize every surface every waking minute of the day. I can’t live like that. As I write this, Natalie just sneezed right next to me, right onto her phone. If there’s COVID here, I have no idea how we’ll avoid getting it.
And still. I have awakened feeling refreshed and refocused. Live each day, each moment. I almost added, “As if it’s your last.” But we don’t know. Just live in God’s grace.
