I finished the previous post a few minutes ago. I’m not sure I got a night of great sleep last night, but I feel better this morning. Partially, I think it’s because of a set of emails I reread from three friends in response to an email I sent to a group as this all started.
I know that part of my rollercoaster mood is the way I equate being good, doing the right thing, being productive, with what I can account for at the end of each day. Did I clean enough? Did I cook enough? Did I reach out to others? Did I do my quota of church work and my quota of things around the house? Did I engage with my family? When I have a day that requires me to nap for two hours and not be motivated to clean a darn thing, I feel bad about myself. I feel guilty. I don’t think of it as refueling and taking care of myself when I need to. And this morning, partially because of rest and my dear friends’ thoughts, I know that just being me (almost) every day is enough. I can’t judge myself and my accomplishments by the measuring stick of everyone around me. God made me Leslea. Unique as every other person. So I need to let each day guide me. Hopefully, remembering first thing that God loves me and no matter what I do and don’t do, that love does not change.
