Remember Distraction? That should be the name of my web browsers. Right now I have five browser windows open–four Chrome and one Edge. Within all these browser windows I have 46 different web pages open. It’s kinda like the web browser version of hoarding. I might “need” what’s on each of these pages for some reason, so I don’t close them.
What’s on the pages open today: NPR news, Amazon. Many have to do with what to do while staying at home during the pandemic: a video of “How to sew a pillow sham”, information about an app for making and editing videos on a phone, a “how to” on embroidery, cleaning schedules for the kids, my attempt at a “COVID-19 classroom” through Google classroom for giving my kids “assignments” to use their creativity.
A lot of the webpages have to do with ministry: Illustrated Ministry lessons, Mother Sylvia’s homepage, on which are links to her wonderful worship services, a webpage entry called “COVID-19: 100 Ideas for Ministers and Ministry Leaders” and guidelines for making “Faith @ Home” submissions to be shared on their website. One amusing one is the “Overwhelmed” lesson plan I had opened in February for our youth class lesson. Maybe I should look at that again now! I have the lectionary page from Vanderbilt Divinity School open to this week’s scripture readings. I have a “Project-Based Learning” for Sunday school page open. There’s a page for children’s Sunday school lessons from Sparkhouse that a friend told me about before we were all sequestered at home. And a Christian Century article on “Sticky Faith.”
Facebook falls into all sorts of categories: some news with articles shared amongst people, humor, how-tos, ministry.
The ones that are kind of funny to still have open: my time card, student attendance, volunteer schedule, descriptions of lessons by class each week. I just closed this window and set of tabs.
While they all act as a distraction, sometimes I leave one to open or find another one and get lost and distracted on my way.
Beyond distraction, they contribute to my being overwhelmed and feeling of not being enough. The first few days at home, with Catherine still sick, Sunday school lessons half planned, I was so relieved to have church called off. My life simplified immediately. And then I was excited to see church done simply online by Fr. Jeremiah and Fr. Raphael. I was energized by all the ways people were sharing what they were doing. And then, after the peak, I started to slide. Too much information. Too many options. Too much competition. I had started by thinking this was a real opportunity to pare down what we (I) do in ministry to its core, to look at with what gifts God has endowed me and how to use them at this time. How to develop creativity in the direction of comfort for me and share it with others. It started with a few different emails where I was showing some of my vulnerability. Those rewarded me with some deep connections with several people. But as I stayed online, it became too much. Back to expectations and competition. I can’t be Mother Sylvia and I want to share what she does with people because I think it’s amazing. I don’t want to be yet another person sharing Godly Play lessons via Facebook Live. I want to be me and use what God gave me to support and grow the faith of the people around me. And as I write this, starting out feeling defensive and overwhelmed I realize that’s my fault and my problem. I can read those lists of “things to do for ministry in a pandemic,” and see what others are doing, but I don’t have to do those things. I can maybe do some of them and spark new ideas from some of the suggestions. But I was given my own set of gifts. And I’m not going to squander them by being overwhelmed and distracted and shutting down. I’m going to let God nurture my gifts at this time and encourage that of others. So let’s go do it.
