Recently I was listening to a podcast titled “Emotional Currency” that argued that money really is about relationship. If there wasn’t an “I’m giving you something to get something” sort of thing, we’d all be alone. The podcast mentioned the illogicality of gift-giving. It makes more sense to keep your money and buy yourself something you like while your “friend” buys something they like, rather than exchanging gifts for something neither one of you really wants. But there’s an emotional connection, that requires a commitment. And I get queasy about commitment.
Birthdays are hard for me. Not mine (or not just mine), but every birthday of people with whom I’m close. Tomorrow is Natalie’s 12th birthday. I’m dreading wrapping presents, maybe writing a card, wondering if C and M are thinking “not fair” because somehow she got something better or more than they did. Or will she be disappointed? Will I really “celebrate” her the way she would like?
I still haven’t talked with Mariana since her birthday and Fabrice and Aida in forever. Sigh. And that has me anxious as well. I don’t know if I build up what is expect of me from others, or if the expectations are really that high and I just can’t do it.
This afternoon I’ve wanted to call someone and talk about all this, but who? I haven’t talked to my parents in a while so I was thinking I would call them. But I’m feeling guilty that I didn’t send them a card or even call them on Valentine’s day. My mom sent cards to all of us, and money to the kids.
And that’s the next thing. It’s not just managing my own relationships. It’s helping my children to be appreciative of their relationships. So when I say “call Grandma,” or “write a thank you to that nice lady at church who sent you two dollars for your birthday,” how do I translate that into a positive relationship rather than just polite requirement? Can I? Is it my responsibility?
