I get really anxious over expectations. I think through the years I have tried to keep my expectations low about a lot of things so that I wouldn’t be disappointed. But, inevitably, I’m disappointed, or disappointing, sometimes.
With the kids, there are frequently the exclamations of “not fair!” And I have to tell them that I try to be as fair as I can, but being fair is not always possible and at least seldom easy. Yet kids have and need expectations. Knowing what to expect from your parents or any of the variety of situations you might encounter day to day is comforting. It makes life easier to control.
At this time of year I feel there are so many expectations to meet and that I’m just on the verge of failure all the time. A couple of weeks ago I was at Target with Catherine and had her pick out birthday cards for Rich and my dad for their birthdays. She’s really good at picking out cards! She even picked one from Grover to Rich and then added a funny message from Grover. While shopping, I too picked out a card for my dad. But I couldn’t find a card I liked for Rich, so I ended up writing him a letter instead. Anyway, Saturday, November 9th rolls around and, oops, it occurs to me that I bought the Grandpa and Dad card for my dad, but neither of them has been filled out, signed and put in the mail. So tomorrow, on his birthday, he won’t have cards from us. And forget about a gift! I struggle (ha–there it is again) to figure out any gifts for him and hate the laziness of just not getting him anything. However, the alternative of just getting him something to check a box seems wrong. So there will be a call and an apology tomorrow, and I feel like that’s a regular occurrence for his birthday. He’ll be cool and kind about it and I hope he really feels that way.
Then there’s my brother-in-law. He’s Rich’s twin and it would seem natural that cards and calls are exchanged on their birthday. Nope. So why does that make me feel like I haven’t met an expectation? Should I have made sure a card was sent and a call was made by our kids? Should Rich have called his brother? Should Fabrice or Aida have called Rich? I think my guilt kicks in that I am not good at calling on Fabrice or Aida’s birthday and though I think they like me fine, I don’t feel any particular synergy with them and we aren’t close. We literally haven’t seen them since Natalie was probably 3. So what’s the expectation? Is there a logical, reasonable one here? Or is it poorly defined and unclear (yup)? They’ll call tomorrow to do the expected niceties, and I’ll feel guilty and uncomfortable.
Today at church we read through the Christmas pageant. It’s not the reverent kind of Christmas pageant, but instead, one that is light and humorous. I don’t think my mom would like it. I think she would feel it doesn’t take the birth of Jesus seriously enough. And I’m nervous wondering if a) she’s right and b) other people attending the pageant will agree with her.
But then, what did those people long ago expect of Jesus? What do we expect today? The Jews were expecting a king to overthrow the government and be a royal-type ruler. They weren’t expecting a baby born in a manger, appearing to be born out of wedlock. They weren’t expecting a carpenter’s son. They weren’t expecting the Jesus we read about in the Bible. And even though people might say otherwise, I think we mostly do not expect people who call themselves Christians to really behave in a Christ-like manner. I think the light, humorous pageant does not take God-incarnate too lightly but instead shows us how bumbling we are, never quite understanding the amazing gift we have been given.
Come thou long-expected Jesus and set us straight.
